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    Uh……..um………..need title……um……..uh…

    August 5, 2008

    I don’t know if it’s the heat or what, but I am seriously suffering from a case of massive mental block in pretty much every facet of my life. From simple queries, like “What should we have for dinner?” to something a little more complicated like “Hmmm…I want to make a custom theme for this here blog of mine. What should I make it look like?” reduces me to a drooling vacant-eyed goon that is pretty much capable of getting about as far as “Uh……………um……………..well…………”. Internet, this is totally not helping my productivity over here. We’ve either eaten dinner out or had grilled cheese sandwiches more times than I’ll admit this last week because I just couldn’t think of anything to make (and this is with a full fridge and cupboards as well. SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT). We won’t even speak of the sweater for Owen that I have now had to start three (3!) different times because each time, I’ve somehow messed it up. This is on 8 rows of 2×2 ribbing Internet–NOT HARD STUFF.

    Luckily, I’m still able to keep it fairly together for clients, but I’m trying not to panic that when my current site finishes up sometime next week, um, there’s currently nothing new on the horizon. It would probably help tremendously to grab new business if my site was finally finished, but about 3/4 of the way through the current re-design, I got tired of trying to convince myself that really, I’d totally love it once I was finished and want to scrap it and start all over. However, see above paragraph (uh……um……….you get the picture). In fact, I should be coding right now as I type this–but I’m opting for finishing this post and getting to bed early in the hopes that tomorrow will be a more enthusiastic day for the old grey matter upstairs.

    Not that it looks like it will happen anytime in the near future (hello stupid girlyparts that can’t seem to get their crap together–I SEE YOU), but I really fear for being pregnant in the future and suffering from pregnant brain, since things are going so stunningly well with only myself and Owen on a daily basis.

    Send (mental) help. My (deeply comatose) logical/rational/thinking brain lobe thanks you.

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    Current score: The Universe = Eleventy Billion Trena = 0

    May 20, 2008

    Do you ever get the sneaking suspicion that you must have done something pretty karmically bad at some previous undetermined point in time and now its payback time and that will be payback WITH interest?

    No reason for asking. Did I forget to mention that I’m currently suffering from a massive head cold AGAIN and that for those of you playing the home version of the game, its now past the middle of MAY? I thought it was just bad allergies when all my joints started aching last week after I mowed the lawn (Hello Hayfever!), but when I started running a fever, I knew that I had been infected.

    Also, sidenote: Meth Addicts of the world?

    You suck. The end. Thanks for being so ingenious as to figure out that cold medication would make an excellent ingredient for getting high and resulting in my having to sign over my life at the pharmacy window in order to get any relief and/or have a hope of breathing through my nose in the next week. The whole time I’m (literally) mouthbreathing over what to fill in the form (Uh….name? Let’s see…I knew this at one point in time) because my head feels like it’s filled with cotton which makes it a little harder than usual for the neurons to connect and make the old grey matter click right along in a timely fashion and act like I’m a completely normal person, nope no meth addict here, for the suspicious looking pharmacy tech so that I might be able to complete the transaction so I can actually take the medication and have a hope at being able to feel better/think straight for part of the day.

    Love and excessive snot,

    Trena

    PS: My internet connection has been out since Saturday morning and the earliest that they could send a tech out to fix the problem is Wednesday.

    PPS: Pray that the tech actually shows up tomorrow, otherwise you might be hearing about me on the national news. Especially if I run out of my Cold & Sinus meds.

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    Conflicted

    March 30, 2008

    I had an eye doctor’s appointment on Friday afternoon and now that I’ve had a few days to process, the whole thing was just….odd as appointments to the eye doctors go. I’ve been doing the corrective lenses (be they glasses or contacts) since the 4th grade, so I’ve been to the eye doctor’s a time or three.

    Our optical insurance changed at the beginning of the year and my previous eye doctor (that I liked) wasn’t on the new insurance’s ‘approved’ list. Eh, no biggie. So I made an appointment with ‘Large Local Optical Group’ that figured prominently on the approved list and looked toward my appointment with some excitement because it meant getting to pick out new not-yet-mashed-by-someone-else’s-incredibly-thick-forehead frames.

    The first part of the appointment went well enough but then the eye doctor started asking questions about if my eyes were dry (which, during the winter, um yeah, hence the only wearing glasses from October until June, again, no biggie) which managed to segue into the eye doctor telling me that he thinks I have rosacea (apparently there’s a dry eye component), something about how my eyelids looked (Huh? They look like they always do…like eyelids) blah, blah, blah, here’s a prescription for an antibiotic, don’t get pregnant while on the antibiotic, let’s see you back here in a month for a follow-up.

    Let’s back up for a moment here. Okay, so I’ve never had what would be considered ‘pretty’ skin, I am usually broken out in at least three or four places, and I have always had really super sensitive skin especially on my face, and as much as it would be nice to have model beautiful skin, it doesn’t really bother me that much. I don’t usually wear makeup only because a) a majority of it regardless of brand does irritate my skin, especially during the winter when I am dry dry dry and b) the 10 minutes required for makeup application would cut into my already limited sleeping time. I may break out, but I don’t resemble even a moderate worst-case picture from the Proactiv website.

    Going back to the appointment, after the main part of the exam, while I was waiting for my eyes to dilate, I was passed off to another employee to pick out frames (side tangent: why do they always make you pick out frames when you can see the least amount?!) and instead of looking at frames myself, I had to tell the woman what I was looking for in the new frame style and she went off and picked out a bunch of frames for me to try. Out of the 10 she brought me, I didn’t find a pair that was absolutely what I wanted, so they’re having to order some other frames in similar styles from their other locations (they have about 4 sattelite offices in and around the town where I live) and then I’m supposed to go back in about a week when the other frames come in to see if any of the new frames are what I’m looking for. Does this seem weird to anyone else? The whole not getting to walk around and pick out my own frames myself? It just seems really really odd.

    So back the the rosacea thing. I did go and fill the prescription, but in big bold letters in the literature that came with the scrip it says that in addition to not being pregnant while taking it, you absolutely cannot be nursing a baby either. Oops. Normally I remember to say something, but I don’t have to go to the doctor (or fill prescriptions) very often, so I completely forgot this go-round.

    Originally, I was going to write a post about how I was conflicted because this meant that I would have to actively wean Owen. It isn’t that he nurses all the time anymore, but still often enough that it would probably be tough. That, and this is the part that some might have a hard time understanding, it would be emotionally hard for me too. Although Owen will always be my baby, the only time that he ever acts like my little baby is when he nurses, and as big and tough as my now toddler acts, nursing is a comfort for him. It’s complicated to put into words, but if you’ve ever nursed a baby for an extended period of time, you understand.

    I did a little research over the weekend and honestly, I don’t think I have rosacea. Yes, I realize that I’m not a doctor, but after an exceedingly hard and physically painful lesson in my life about how doctors are fallible and make mistakes, I’ve come to understand that I need (as well as deserve) to be an active part of anything medically related that happens to me. That it’s okay to question what a doctor says and that if they are unwilling to accept me as an active and questioning participant in the healing process, that I should find another doctor.

    So the antibiotic bottle sits unopened on the counter and I’m going to make an appointment with my regular family doctor to either confirm (like I said, I’m doubtful) or rule out rosacea being an issue. If my family doctor confirms it and the antibiotics are my only option, I guess I’ll have to think more about how that will influence my feelings about weaning (currently leaning to self-led by Owen as I’m pretty sure he’ll wean over this summer) in the long-term.

    However, for next year’s eye appointment? I think I’m going to be looking for a new eye doctor practice. Even if it means going back to my original eye doctor and paying out of pocket since he wouldn’t be covered under our insurance. Sometimes peace of mind is worth paying more.