Big red letter warning–way way way tmi straight ahead. Forge on if you’re brave…
My darling husband has had…shall we say…a bit of a rumbly tummy this evening which has resulted in sudden odoriffic blasts of death that give absolutely no auditory warning of impending doom to the innocent passerby.
After one too many times of getting nasally assaulted (seriously–so bad it was almost like I could taste it), I asked my wonderful husband if it wouldn’t be too much trouble to maybe warn me verbally when he was about to let loose so I could leave the room. ‘Cause I enjoy breathing and all. Without a gas mask.
He grumbled and whined that really, was it SO bad and besides how did I know it was even him (uh, hmm…it wasn’t me and Owen’s been asleep for over an hour?) and slunk off to the bedroom to listen to his UVa (go ‘Hoos!) football game.
Ten minutes later:
Trena’s husband (urgently and loudly from bedroom): Pssst!!!! Pssst!!!
Trena (who tears from office to bedroom because it sounds serious): What’s the matter?
*The unmistakable stench commences to reach my nose and slap me around a bit*
Trena’s Husband (broadly grinning like the village idiot): I just wanted to let you know that I farted. You know, in case you were wondering.
Trena: *thinks dark thoughts, twitches and mumbles under breath* Hmmph
Seriously ladies, I know, I KNOW. But sadly, he’s all mine and I’m stuck with him like crappy Halloween candy the day after Halloween and not up for grabs.
He does however have a younger brother who is still very single. Line starts to the left.
glittersmama says:
What is the deal with men? They all have the capability to choke out all life. Sometimes I think it could be the only thing to stop a nuclear attack. gag me.
October 21st, 2007 at 4:37 am
Tootsio says:
Just so you know, S. moved to the top bunk in the last couple days, and I FINALLY got around to changing Mo.’s sheets after wanting to do this forever…why am I telling you this? Because it just makes it all the more ironic when I tell you that S. leaned his head over the bed and threw up all over the floor last night (after a hearty dinner of chicken and carrots), and you know how much better that lands when it’s coming from the second story. A few hours later, Mi. stumbled out of bed saying something about being thirsty, wouldn’t listen when I. told him he wasn’t thirsty and not to get a drink, and threw up all over the same spot of floor, and then (after a long night of both boys throwing up repeatedly), when I. went to get Mo. up he discovered that Mo. had also thrown up sometime during the night…all over his clean sheets. Been a fun day here! Needless to say, we missed church today…now we get to see if A. is a time bomb waiting to throw up at some unsuspected moment, and if the adults are going to be smitten. There is something to be said about a house without carpet…
October 22nd, 2007 at 2:30 am
Kristen says:
groooooosssss. I’m over bodily functions. Men are just nasty.
October 24th, 2007 at 1:38 pm