I know I’ve complained here about our sucky lovely next door neighbors with very fetching mullets and an unnatural interest in the length of our grass, but I don’t think I’ve ever had the opportunity to talk about the people who live on the other side of us. You know, the neighbors that don’t complain about our grass we actually like. I’ve never been brave enough to ask the exact living situation, but I’m pretty sure their household consists of a single mom and her two sons, Adam, who might be about eight or nine and her other son, who is in his early 20’s and I have no clue what his name is. Yeah, yeah, I’m a great neighbor, I know. We usually exchange small talk around the garbage cans (centrally located at the same place on our properties) and showing off/discussing Owen (The Boy) when I’m at the car getting ready to go somewhere. Poor Adam, when we moved in, I think he really hoped that we would have someone his age or at the very least a dog or something. Our street is kind of lacking in either–kids his age or fun pets to play with. Usually I end up talking to Adam when I’m outside and some of the conversations have been a little…interesting.
Mainly because I am socially retarded not the best at talking to other people as it is, I just run out of things to say or I (at least to my own ears) get that really annoying superhappyfunyouaresointerestinglittleboy tone to my voice and I say dumb things or just run out of things to say.
However, the other day, I had the most…disturbing conversation with our littlest next door neighbor and now, yeah, I’m a little more worried about going down in the basement, especially at night (our basement is dimly lit as it is, moreso after dark).
Me (getting out of my car after running errands and seeing our little next-door neighbor): Hey Adam…how’s it going?
Adam: good. Hey-do you and your husband have any pets? (okay, we went over this when we moved in in April…but hey, things could have changed between then and now)
Me:Nope. (affecting overly sad tone complete with accompanying lame facial expressions) We can’t have pets. My husband is really allergic and gets sick from having pets around.
Adam: What about snakes? Do you guys like snakes?
Me (getting a little concerned about where this conversation is heading): Uh…no, no we don’t have any snakes. Yeah, I’m pretty sure we don’t like them too well either. Um…why? Adam, did you let some snakes go in the backyard or something?
Adam: No…just wanted to know if you liked snakes. I gotta go now. Bye.
Is it coincidental that the fear of having to pee in the middle of the night only to find a large snake curled up in the toilet has returned full force after this conversation? I guess it could have been worse–he could have asked my feelings about baby alligators.