I’m a very vivid dreamer–for as long as I can remember my dreams have always been like watching a very realistic movie (Now in Technicolor!). I don’t always remember what I’ve dreamt about, but lately I’ve been having just really weird dreams right before I wake up.

This morning was particularly strange though–I dreamt that I was at the Dr.’s for my annual lady bits exam. Not anything out of the ordinary, I just dreamt that I was in that fabulous open-backed gown hearing my Dr. say “…now just put your feet in the stirrups and scoot on down this way.” The ironic thing is that I actually just had this exam about two weeks ago (end results: a) I am still apparently a girl b) everything appears to be in good working condition and c) everyone at the practice wants to know when we’ll be adding a sibling for Owen). Call me crazy, but this particular appointment, while not the worst thing in the world, is not exactly my favorite thing when I actually have to go to the real appointment, let alone have the actual exam and then get to go through it all again by dreaming about it.

Maybe I’ll get really lucky and tonight I’ll get to revisit that trip to the oral surgeon’s for my wisom tooth extraction.

Fresh from my wild (unplanned overnight) adventure south into North Carolina, I give you fun games to play to entertain your screaming child while driving solo:

1) “Pacifier Pick-Up”: Find and grab the pacifier from it’s random location in the back seat while attempting to keep one eye on the road and not swerve like a drunkard on the highway.

2) “Sippy Cup Search”: Also fun and in the same vein as game #1 is this little gem. Just follow the damp trail (because the leak-proof sippy has managed to leak and inevitably was filled with some liquid other than water) and you’re sure to find it and manage to keep the car on the road at the same time.

3) “Feeding time at the Zoo” : Remove lid from small cereal bowl thoughtfully packed with child’s favorite dry snack. Attempt to offer to child so they can take a handful. Curse under breath when child grabs entire bowl and because your arm is at such a goofy angle in order to get said bowl from the front seat near child in back seat in the first place, said thoughtful snack explodes in every direction all over entire backseat. Repeat when child starts to howl because they cannot deign to pick cracker/cereal/fruit snack out of car seat and eat. Bonus points for playing this game after dark.

4) “Is that the loudest you can scream?”: Pull out this oldy but goody if your car trip is longer than 2 hours. Even though you’ve only been on the road for 2.5 hours and already made two pit stops so someone can get out of their seat and stop the never-ending howling at the indignity of having to be strapped into a comfortable car seat with sippy cup, snack and comfy blanket at the ready, said small person will still want to see what maximum decibel level can be achieved within the confines of the vehicle. Even though encouraging said small person to crank the yelling up another notch (“Seriously–is that the loudest you can yell? Surely you can yell louder than that”) might cause your ears to ring for the rest of the afternoon, it will be well worth it when the small person tires of the game and blissfull quiet reigns again. Bonus points if small person exerts so much energy yelling as loudly as they can that they fall asleep mid-game.

5) “Look at THIS!”: For when you’ve managed to show off/pass back all real toy options to the small dictator passenger in the back and they’ve all been angrily tossed aside to the furthest (unreachable while driving) corners of the backseat and you’re forced to make toys out of random objects you can find within your reach in order to keep the unhappy shrieking to a dull roar. Old snowscrapers will provide minutes of blissful peace and quiet while your child tries to determine what this new treasure is. Extra bonus points if you can keep your child from immediately and repeatedly licking said non-toy.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night. Oh, I was tired enough to fall into bed and start sawing logs straight away, but my mind had other plans for me. Instead of peacefully slumbering, I spent the better part of the two hours before I finally dropped off to sleep tossing and turning, running through a conversation that I was going to have to have this morning and fine-tuning what I was going to say and what I’d say if the other person said this–like what you do when you mentally kick yourself after a confrontation and think of all the great things you should have said. Except here I was doing it fully eight hours previous to the conversation actually happening. Yes, I am fully aware that a) I am a weirdo and b) there are better things in life to worry about and even c) *gasp* there are people out there who don’t worry about small and inconsequential things and that I should try harder to be one of those people.

My conversation actually went really well–for all my stressing there was no confrontation, no real awkwardness and I was actually able to get my point across with no difficulty. The other person even respectfully saw my position and understood where I was coming from.

Having my night ruined by lack of sleep and a few other things going on in my life at work right now made me really think today about fear. Specifically for me, why is fear such a negative motivator in my life. Why do I allow fear (fear of the what-ifs, what-abouts and can’t-deal-if-this-happens) to keep me from going out on a limb and being brave and exciting and if things don’t work out or end badly–oh well and life goes on and I’ve learned a lesson for next time? I’ve always been cautious but in the last few years I’ve gotten to the point where I can seriously see myself eventually becoming one of those people who never wants to leave the house.

I can’t decide which is worse–regret for missed opportunities because I let fear get in the way or living constantly with worry and fear and pulling my world constantly smaller and tighter around me until there’s no more.