I read quite a few blogs on a regular basis and I am constantly amazed at how much some people are able to just ‘put out there’ about their lives and their families. I’m not talking about people sharing too much (although in a few instances, all I can say is Eww, I just really did NOT need to know quite that much about you thankyouverymuch) but just being comfortable enough to be who they really are and to be able to show that to the rest of the world as well through their blogs.

There are many times when something will happen in my ‘real’ life and I really want to blog about it, but I just can’t do it. I’m not sure if its because I’m worried about what people might think of me or if I value my privacy and being somewhat anonymous or even a combination of the two. The persona that I present here on my blog is somewhat more reserved than I might be to those who know me well, which is quite the opposite from how many people find that being able to hide behind the comforting veil of the Internet gives them more courage and allows them to break free and be someone else, someone more vibrant, than they ever would be able to in their day to day lives.

Some days I really want to be able to stand out–to use my voice on here and elsewhere to really say what I really think and feel about everything, not just a carefully chosen subject here or a casually bland topic there. Most days, however, I find that like in my real life, I aim to blend in and not stick out like a sore thumb–after all, its the mole that sticks up that gets whacked.

I’m trying to work through this hesitation to really be myself because I feel like my writing suffers to a certain degree because of it–sort of like trying to run your best lap time while having your feet bound together on purpose which doesn’t make much sense and tends to put you further away from your goal rather than closer to it.

A various assortment of things that happened during a very quick trip from Virginia to Toledo, Ohio (I’d like to give a nice shout-out to Perrysville–thanks for the 0 % humidity–YOU ROCK) and then back again:

1) I turned 31. Yeah, this year was harder because it is really starting to sink in that I’m never going to be in my 20’s again and I am one year closer to 40.

2) I had to leave Owen overnight (Thank you Grandma Jeannie!) for the first time ever. 8 hour car trip + bored child who can melt paint off of walls with his howls when he wants out of the seat = I’m not that brave.

3) Listening to Canadian Public Radio. It’s educational, eh?

4) Weather that wasn’t so hot that it made me feel like my skin was trying to melt off.

5) Paying entirely too much in tolls for roads that weren’t that great. Where are all those funds REALLY going Ohio Turnpike?

6) Realizing that my transformation to Mom was complete when someone walked in on me while I was sitting on the pot and it didn’t really phase me. Hey, I was just grateful that the woman who walked in didn’t try to either stand between my knees the whole time I was taking care of business or trying to unroll the toilet paper. Having a 1 year old as your constant bathroom buddy will do that to you.

Normally I don’t talk religion with people because although I’m personally religious in my own life, I don’t want to offend other people. I would rather eat live grubworms (and I’m talking the biggie sized grubworms here people) for breakfast, lunch and dinner for every day in a week than to initiate a conversation with someone about religion, especially if I don’t know said individual extremely well.

Having said all that, I have to tell you all something.

Prayer really works. I’m not talking about the nice “Our Father, who art in Heaven…” kind of praying, but more of the panic-driven, white-knuckle grip of two sweaty hands clasped tightly together while a fervent slew of words (many of which involve the phrases “Oh please oh please oh please” and somewhat grudgingly, “…if it be Thy will…”) issued forth from an equally tightly clenched mouth style of prayer (see also under entry for “What to do when you suddenly see flashing blue lights in your rearview mirror”). So how do I know for an absolute fact that prayer works?

My brother-in-law received a twelth hour phone call on Monday informing him that, if he was still interested, there was a spot with his name on it for the nursing program that he had applied for earlier this year.

Now, in the interest of a fully honest and possibly damning disclosure, the aforementioned fervent prayer wasn’t exactly on my brother-in-law’s behalf that he some how, some way, manage to get into the program, but rather more of a selfish nature. I was uh…actually praying on behalf of myself–for my sanity, what small amount of it remains.

You might be asking yourself what exactly my brother-in-law and my sanity have in common with each other. Well, this is your lucky day, because I’m about to share that exact information.

After applying to the previously mentioned nursing program, my brother-in-law, after (probably correctly) assuming that he had in fact not been accepted into the program since he had never received a phone call/letter etc informing him of such, decided that he needed to make some big changes in his life. He decided that first and foremost, he would move from the small, not much going on town where he currently resided with his parents, my in-laws and would instead move to the much larger town (about an hour away from his current residence) where my husband and I live and see if he could maybe work for a year and then apply to the nursing program at the nearby college. So my brother-in-law has been sleeping on my couch for the past three weeks, working and trying to find an apartment. Except that he doesn’t make very much money and it was looking more and more like actually moving out wasn’t going to work if he wanted to be able to do other things as well, things like eating on a regular basis and buying the necessities like 2-ply toilet paper. My husband, good brother that he is, wanted to help his brother out by letting him stay at our house for a few months so that he, the brother-in-law, could have some time to really get on his feet financially and eventually be able to afford his own place.

I, however, was not on board for that plan. Yes, my brother-in-law is a good guy, but the past three weeks have really shown me how far I have come in my training plan hard work and determination with my husband in the three years we have been married. Do you know how long it took to get my husband to stop leaving the toilet seat up? Long enough that I don’t ever want to have to go through it with someone else. Plus, having my brother-in-law around all the time would severely cut into my two favorite activities–walking around my house in various stages of undress (hey, I like to be comfortable and in order to do that my skin needs to be able to breathe and not from underneath layers of clothes either) and using the bathroom with the door open (I have a one year old. That alone is explanation enough for this one). In order for the small amount of remaining sanity I have left to keep me firmly attached to this side of not quite right, I need to be able to practice one or both of the above mentioned activities at a moment’s notice, things that are hard to do when there is company in the house.

Yes, I’m fully aware that I’m a bad person. Hey, we all can’t be praying for World Peace all of the time.