I’m one of those people who hate change. I don’t just dislike change, I loathe, with a large bold capital ‘L’, change. Unfortunately, change can sometimes just pop up out of nowhere which results in a potentially nasty little surprise. When this sudden change happens, it tends to completely fry all the circuits in my brain resulting in my immediately digging my heels in as hard and as fast as I can. Maybe it’s a safety mechanism–you know, by digging said heels in it would theoretically slow things down and give me an opportunity to evaluate said nasty surprise and form a logical and rational plan to deal with it? Notice how I said ‘theoretically’ in that last sentence? That’s because most of the time, while digging in my heels with all my might, I don’t take the moment to just take a deep breath and rationally formulate a response. I dig my heels in and take a quick trip on the irrationality express.
Take this afternoon for example–my husband and I were hurrying to get him ready to leave town, again, for his job when my husband brought up some things that he had been thinking about regarding switching some things around work-wise. I will admit that his timing wasn’t the greatest, but it wasn’t like he flat out told me, “This is what’s going to happen”. He was the rational one, simply wanting to put some thoughts that he’d been having out there to see what I as the other half of our partnership thought about his thoughts. However, because these thoughts would mean changes, some pretty massive and seemingly impossible and not-workable at first glance kind of changes, I reacted badly. I didn’t yell or get angry but I immediately blurted out sentences involving the words ‘can’t’ ‘won’t’ ‘not’ and ‘unable’. It wasn’t a fight, but when he left, things were sad between us. It’s bad enough that he’ll be away for a week, but his having to leave on an unhappy note makes it worse.
Now that I’ve had a few hours to calm down and process what he was trying to communicate, I see that my immediate responses should have involved the words ‘maybe’, ‘investigate’, ‘possibility’, ‘more’ and ‘faith’. Unfortunately I won’t be able to talk to him until tomorrow night, so I’m hoping that will give me even more time to continue rationally and logically analyzing the situation which will result in my being able to communicate my thoughts in a more grown-up way.
You would think that in almost 31 years of living, I would have figured out that taking a breath and stepping back for a moment when things catch me off guard is the better way to react.